Thursday, March 5, 2009


It's been a pretty bad, discouraging, stressful day for me today.

We found out yesterday that my little car is going to cost nearly $1,000 to get it fixed in order for it to pass inspection. I need a dealer-only part of course, plus an 02 sensor, plus 4 new tires, plus an oil change. Great. I had to drive my husband's truck to work today which meant he literally had to walk to's only 6 blocks or so, but it was still pretty cold out this morning & it made me feel really bad for letting him do it. Not to mention he's been so sick lately, the little bit of a walk to work probably sapped all of his energy for the entire day. He's still living on toast. Last night he managed to eat a steak sandwich from Subway, but then was up most of the night with heartburn & sleeping propped up on the couch for the little while he actually was able to sleep.

My husband had his colonoscopy on Monday & the doctors were still not able to find anything helpful. A small polyp that was benign & easily removed, some spasming & inflammation in his colon, nothing out of the ordinary for someone who's been diagnosed with IBS since they were 10 years old. So on to the next test. Tomorrow morning he undergoes the oh-so-pleasant "gastric emptying" procedure where the doctors literally watch his digestive system process food. If this does us no good then he will have a CT scan of his small intestine probably sometime next week. We are still waiting for half a dozen blood tests & biopsies to come back with some results, hopefully soon. It's just been such a long waiting game & gets scarier by the day. Every pound he loses, every time he falls asleep at 6:00 in the evening, every test that comes back inconclusive, every result we wait days & days for. Too many questions & not enough answers.

The combination of my husband's failing health & all of the unanswered questions that surround it added in with the cost of my car that we can't afford to cover is just too much for one day. I've been sitting at work all day with knots in my stomach over how I'm going to pay for my car, what the tests are going to reveal tomorrow, what kind of mood my sick, irritable husband is going to be in when I get home. And it doesn't help that work has been so slow lately. Another worry to add to the heap I much longer will I have my job if business doesn't start to pick up? I am technically the "newest" member of the staff here & there are applications flooding our mailboxes for positions here since seemingly everyone else in this entire industry has been laid-off. All of these talented designers with years of experience under their belts & they are basically trying to steal my job. It's a very unsettling feeling to live day in & day out with no sense of job security. On top of basically living paycheck to paycheck. On top of having a husband who's getting sicker by the day, who's having to shell out hundreds of dollars we don't have for medications that are barely alleviating his symptoms.

Yeah, it's been a pretty bad, discouraging, stressful day today.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better...