WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING

Yes, this is yet another post about "Adoption Voices", the adoption website that I've been participating in since it launced a few weeks ago. They held a contest to see who had the most accepted "friend requests"...kind of like how you can add friends on Facebook & Myspace. I won! I worked very hard to try to get to know as many new people on the site as I could...I've been so inspired by all of the interesting stories of love & hope & even heartbreak, regarding adoption that I haven't been able to tear myself away from the site!

My husband is getting a little worried, referring to adoptionvoices.com as my new obsession...I think he may just feel a little left out since he obviously realizes that I'm sharing my story with all of these people on there. I have shared it with him too, countless times, but I think because I so rarely bring it up he is feeling like he wishes when I did I would choose to confide in him instead. But he's been very supportive & understanding, I think he's happy that I've found a sort of "outlet" for my emotions related to my adoption story.

It has been somewhat of an "outlet" for me...I experienced so many negative feelings while I was a pregnant teen & then after I placed my daughter, it was so taboo to even talk about it around my friends & family. So most of my feelings were burried & kept secret for all this time & I finally feel like I have someplace safe to go where my situation is not only accepted, but understood. It's a very empowering feeling & it makes me just want to share my story with everyone I see! I'm getting better at it, I'm not used to openly discussing what I went through & it's hard because it brings back the reality that I haven't received any letters or pictures from her adoptive family since her first birthday 7 years ago. That hurts. But I'm getting used to letting the pain out instead of holding it in.

Anyway, so I won $100 for having the most "friends" on the website, & I felt very honored, but nothing can compare to how it feels to be able to release all of these pent-up feelings I have been holding in for all these years & to be able to share with people who can empathize with me instead of sympathize for me! That has been worth so much more than $100 ever could be!